Domestic abuse is a deliberate and ongoing pattern of behavior used by one person to control the actions and feelings of an intimate partner or family member.
Abuse is
- Not caused by mental illness or alcohol and drug use, although those conditions can contribute to the severity of the violence.
- Still primarily a male against female behavior, though an increasing number of men are recognizing that they are victims of abuse as well.
- Not the victim's fault.
- Not okay or "excusable" even if the violent partner was abused or treated badly as a child or in past relationships. A responsible partner recognizes the problem, owns it, and seeks help.
The Power & Control Wheel shown below illustrates the different ways abuse can affect a relationship.
As you'll see, abuse
- Is not only physical.
- Can be emotional and psychological. Hurtful words or threats coming from someone you love and care about can create intense fear and pain.
- Can and does occur in many different types of relationships: same sex (both male and female); heterosexual (female against male as well as male against female), adult child against elder parent, and parent against child.
The Wheel – designed by the Domestic Abuse Intervention Project in Duluth, Minnesota – uses "male perpetrator language" because most reports of abuse have been, historically, male against female. We believe no one deserves to be hurt or abused, and that's why our advocacy services are "equal-opportunity."
Please ... if anything in the Power & Control Wheel describes your relationship – or if you're worried or confused – call to talk to us. It's free and confidential.