Abusers use fear, guilt, shame, and intimidation to keep someone else -- usually an intimate partner – under their control. Abuse is stressful, exhausting --- and may be life-threatening. Take a look at what's going on in your relationship. Do you recognize any of these red flags?
Does your partner...
- Make you feel like you never do anything right or well enough?
- Try to make you feel like you're "crazy" or that you're "imagining things"?
- Withdraw into silence, and wait for you to figure out what you've done wrong and apologize for it?
- Threaten to leave you, threaten to make you leave – or lock you out?
- Socialize or go out, leaving you home because "the children are your responsibility?" Get angry if you suggest the situation isn't fair?
- Spend money on whatever he or she wants to, but then get mad at you when there is none left for bills or groceries?
- Act jealous when you spend time with friends or family, or with anyone besides him or her? Exhibit obsessive, unreasonable jealousy?
- Call you names or belittle you in private or in front of the children or friends? Yell and scream at you?
- Constantly criticize your parenting or housekeeping?
- Threaten to take the children if you leave?
- Block the door so you won't leave during an argument; follow you around or keep you awake to continue the argument?
- Force you to have sex when you don't want to or in ways you don't want to?
- Threaten to hurt you or someone you care about? Be cruel to or belittle the children? Hurt your pets?
- Constantly try to keep track of you—follow you, read your emails, listen to your phone messages, phone or text you obsessively?
- Exhibit unpredictable mood swings; make you feel like you never know "who's" going to walk through the door?
- Shove, hit, punch, kick, choke, spit on, or beat you?
If you answered 'yes' to even one of these questions, it's likely abuse is part of your relationship. Even if the abuser never touches you, emotional and psychological abuse can be just as terrifying and debilitating.
Pay attention to the red flags, and let your feelings guide you. Every relationship has its ups and downs, but if you have a healthy relationship, you should look forward to being with your partner, enjoy your time together, and be supportive of each other. Your relationship shouldn't ever make you feel sick or afraid.