.: The Family Violence Project :.

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The Effects of Domestic Abuse on Children

Approximately 3.3 million children witness domestic abuse each year (B.E. Carlson, In Battered Women and Their Families: Intervention Strategies and Treatment Programs. New York: Springer Publishing, 1984)

When one parent abuses the other, between 30-60% of the time the children are also actual, physical targets of abuse by the abusive parent (Straus, M.S., Gelles, R.J. & Steinmetz, S., Behind Closed Doors. Doubleday, Anchor, 1980)

Abuse of children takes many forms, and being exposed to physical violence or emotional abuse toward a parent has many of the same effects as being a direct target of the abuse.

The effects of being exposed to abuse can be severe and long lasting, impairing a child's ability to communicate with others, and impacting the relationships they have later. When children live with abuse they learn that violence is an acceptable way to resolve conflict.

Red Flags that Children May Be Living with Abuse

Having dirty clothing, unkempt appearance
Having an unexplained injury
Acting shy, withdrawn, or too eager to cooperate
Not wanting to go home
Wearing long-sleeved clothing in warm weather
Talking about abuse
Acting nervous and fearful, too active, or destructive
Acting fearful of being touched by an adult
Always searching for food, favors, or services
Having difficulty getting along with other children
Constant anxiety, feelings of powerlessness
Depression, flashbacks,
Very low sense of self-worth, feeling emotionally abandoned

Responding to Children Living with Domestic Violence

What do they do/where do they go when the fighting happens? Help them think of a safe place
Be sure they know it's not safe to try to stop the fighting, even though they might want to
Ask if they have access to a phone and do they know about 911? Ask if they feel safe calling 911 if needed. If not, ask whom can they call or what they can do instead?
Tell them it's not their fault
Try not to pass judgment on the abuser - kids often love the person who's doing the hurting
It may help to ask if the person doing the hurting does it to anyone else in the family
Ask if there someone they can talk to about the problem if they need to, such as a teacher, the other parent, a caregiver, counselor, etc.
Tell them they are not alone

Resources

Make a report to the Maine Department of Human Services at 1-800-452-1999
CONTACT us or visit the Maine Coalition to End Domestic Abuse website
Visit our RESOURCES page for helpful books
Visit our TEENS page for information on teen dating abuse
Meet with your local school guidance counselor or school resource officer
Contact your local mental health center
Speak with someone in your faith community

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